ScandalGate: Bell Puts Cigarette Out On Child
Cyberspace was rocked today with the news that wretched man-child and Dumbrella associate Andrew Bell was seen extinguishing a cigarette on the arm of a five-year-old boy.
The horror took place in front of dozens of spectators on a New York City subway. “He started smoking, and everybody just glared at him because you ain’t supposed to smoke on the subway,” says eyewitness Gloria Featherbottom. “Then he started screaming ‘what the f**k are you all looking at’ at us and he grabbed the boy’s arm and smashed the cigarette into the wrist.”
The boy, possibly a deaf-mute, apparently seemed unable or unwilling to communicate in any way. Eyewitnesses say the boy had no response to the act.
Construction worker Sal Hanson also witnessed the spectacle. “The weird thing was, the kid just kept smiling, you know? Like it wasn’t a big deal, like he’s done it a million times.”
“It doesn’t surprise me in the least,” admitted Dumbrella co-founder R Stevens. “You’ve seen the guy’s art, right?”