Rowland Named “Best of Dumbrella”
Jeffrey Rowland, two-fisted boy wonder of Dumbrella, is currently having a mantle installed next to his dollar-sign-shaped swimming pool to make room for a new award — Best Overall Dumbrella Comic for 2005 in the category of Overall Excellence and Superiority.
The Semi-Annual Dumbrella awards (AKA Dummies) were held recently in the usual manner - completely at random and in absolute secrecy.
Jon Rosenberg, creator of Goats, refused to comment on Rowland’s dominating victory. A spokesperson for Rosenberg said “what do you expect? Jeffrey Rowland makes everybody else look like chumps.”
The award for “Longest Title” went to Boy on a Stick and Slither, which narrowly beat Andrew Bell’s Creatures in My Head.
John Allison’s Scary Go Round won “Best Comic Sometimes Drawn on Computer and Sometimes on Paper.” Said Allison, “bollocks to the lot of you.” Sam Brown’s exploding dog took home the trophy for “Most Unpredictable Schedule.” Brown sneered at onlookers before returning to the sewers.
Jon Rosenberg’s Goats‘ award for “Best Livestock-Themed Sci Fi Comic” was revoked after it was discovered that Rosenberg’s hair had grown longer than official Dumbrella regulations, which calls for a maximum of 4″ unless the member is growing one of those Jedi rat-tails.
Noticably absent from this this year’s awards was R Stevens, whose Diesel Sweeties won last year’s Dummy for “Best Comic That Looks Like It Was Made on a Nintendo But Actually Made on a $5000 Computer.” Stevens is believed to be developing a new food product, a bacon-wrapped, batter-fried, chocolate-dipped jumbo hot dog.